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Tyler's five hours as a woman

For 5 hours, I experienced a life I never before thought possible. I was a woman. Through this short experiment for my feminism class, I learned how hard it is to carry two x genes.

My first hour as a woman took place in search of the perfect outfit. Ok, it wasn't for the perfect outfit. I was at D.I. looking for the outfit that would transform me.

When shopping for clothes as a male (which I also do at D.I.), finding the right clothes is simply finding the right clothes at the right size. It's rather simple. Men's clothes (for the most part) are not form-fitting; they simply cover the body with a little room to spare. Trying on women's clothing is not so easy. Besides the total awkwardness of being a guy who is picking out and trying on women's clothing, this was a difficult experience. Women's clothing are form fitting. My shoulders were too big. My stomach too fat. My arms too round. My chest too flat. Everything I tried on made me feel like Grimace (Ronald McDonald's purple friend). I'd find one blouse that fit great on one part of my body, but would be tight or too loose elsewhere. Granted, the typical male and female bodies are shaped differently. However, I don't think that fully explains my trouble. Men come in all sorts of different shapes, but that doesn't make finding clothes difficult. Because women's clothing is designed to show off the woman's figure, if you don't fit that ideal shape, you're pretty screwed. I ended up finding a large skirt and a blouse that had to be at least ten years old. I don't think I have ever felt such a great need to diet and exercise in my life.

After getting in my outfit, I experienced what too many women waste away their lives doing on a daily basis. I had my hair and make-up done.

I cannot believe how much time all of this takes. I drove over to my friend's apartment this morning. They whipped out their kits and went to work. First off was my hair. Compared to most guys here in happy valley, my hair is pretty long. Compared to most girls, it's short. My hair was long enough though to give it a feminine look. The first part was easy. Using a blow dryer about three cans of hairspray, the hair on the back of my head was flared out. Then came the torture. My hair was pulled, yanked, twisted, and pinned in all sorts of directions. I was in constant fear of having huge chunks ripped out by their roots, leaving a bald spot. Luckily that didn't happen. Instead my face was left stretched out with permanently raised eyebrows, and all the wrinkles on my face pulled out of existence.

With my face yanked to a permanent grin, my next transformation was put into effect. It is a flat out lie to say that makeup exists for every color of the rainbow. I've seen rainbows. There aren't that many colors in a rainbow. At 32-bits, my computer can handle over 4 billion different colors. My computer couldn't even handle the colors represented my make up. You can't just put make-up on. Make-up has to match the outfit you're wearing. Makeup goes on, then another color, then another color, and again and again and again. Black goop makes my eyebrows bigger. Suddenly my cheeks are rosier, my eyes more defined. My lips seem fuller. Sparkling polish that can only be removed with Chevron gasoline immobilizes my hands until they can be dried. I am now two hours into living as a woman and now I finally look like one.

With my clothes, hair, and make-up all looking pretty, I head to school. Life as a woman is physically uncomfortable. First of all, the heels. Those things have to be one of the most uncomfortable items every created. Walking in heels isn't just different. It is a totally new way to walk. With every step, I have to worry about spraining my ankles. Five flights of stairs were taken in total fear. By the end of my experience, my body was sore; not just my legs, but every part of me. I hurt from my toes to my neck. Walking in heels requires motions of the body that are not undertaken in regular walking. It's taxing and tiring. While talking to a friend, I had to tell her that I wasn't sure if I respected women more or less because of this. I want to respect them more for the difficulty they undertake, and less because of they willingly undertake this on a daily basis.

Sitting at my desk and relaxing my knees, another uncomfortable aspect of what women deal with in their attire struck me. My bra. Yes, I wore a bra. How else could I have boobs? My bra chafed my skin. The stupid straps kept on sliding all over the place. Every time I moved, I could feel it restricting my movements. I felt like I was wearing some weird harness that kept me in position without being tied to anything.

Lucky for me, this was only a one-time five-hour ordeal. After class, I was able to return to my comfortable life as a man. No more restrictive form-fitting clothes. No more makeup. No more hairpins. No high heels. None of that crap. I was able to go back to my loose shirt and relaxed jeans. Even luckier for me, I didn't have to deal with what most of women deal with on a daily basis. I didn't have a period. I wasn't a woman in the workplace. I didn't deal with any sexist prejudice and chauvinism.

In the end there is at least one thing I need to say to all of the real women out there. I am sorry. You have to go through most of this because of me. I am a man. Though I may have never have explicitly asked you to do any of these things, because of my part in the male culture, I have implicitly asked and even forced you to be a part of these absurd behaviors. Us men have made life hell for you.

I can't wait to see the discu

I can't wait to see the discussion that will result from this article ... =)

The truth comes out

So, the truth finally comes out...I knew it all along.

Woah, man

Sounds like your femenism teacher has succeeded in indoctrinating into your hemaphroditic mind the supposed plight of the modern woman. No doubt, women must endure things no man will ever endure: PMS, childbirth, Enrichment Night. But for you to take the blame (and really to cast the blame on all other males) for the obsession SOME females have with their appearance is rediculous. You make it sound like all women feel oblicatgedthere is no chance for a woman who doesn't plaster on make-up, wear tight clothes, sport high heels and fret for hours over her hair. This is not true, though it may be true of the women you date and associate with. Experiments like the one you participated in are flawed anyway. You do not know what it's like to be a woman, but you may have some expertise on what it's like to be a transvestite. Any words of wisdom to help the rest of us better empathize with the transvestite community?

wow

What class was this for?

If we took a vote, would any guy take the chance to be a woman for a day?

And thank you for adding the fact about sitting in the skirt, keeping my legs closed all day gives me a headache.

I think one thing you missed out on though, was the feminine pretty feeling that most girls get when they dress up. When I get all dressed up and go out I feel proud of myself and my body, albeit a little uncomfortable (heels, skirt, etc) I would assume that you didn't have much of that feeling because you were moving outside of your natural element, and probably feeling a little conspicous.

Also, I must add that most girls wear a bra because it is a comfort issue, you have to keep the twins harnessed in somehow.

obviously

attention, attention: Tyler wants attention.

Thank you for not using the g

Thank you for not using the gospel as a wedge this time.

Hey, my name is Hhhhh, not Hhhh

(raspberry blow)

Sophomoric humor was never mo

Sophomoric humor was never more badly needed than at this moment. But I have my serious hat on and I promised I wouldn't take it off. (Sigh)

give him a break

Some of you have turned Tyler into your personal enemy. He has different opinions. He does weird stuff. That doesn't make him an attention whore. It makes those of you who find things to criticize him where there is nothing whiners.

So get over it.

Hey tyler,

When are we going to know about the day in the life of a crack addict?

A tribute to REAL men...

When did it become acceptable in this country for a man to go from being a rugged, plaid-wearing, beef jerky eating tough guy to a well-groomed, "metrosexual" girly-boy like Ben Affleck? Affleck, as you might know, agreed to be a spokesman for L'Oreal, with L'Oreal quoted as saying "Ben embodies a new generation of men who show their strength in their personality but are not afraid to care for their appearance." Afraid of taking care of their appearances? It's not that we're afraid you morons, it's that we don't menstruate. What next? Men getting hormone injections so they can breast feed?

"Ben embodies a new generation of men who show their strength in their personality but are not afraid to breast feed their children."

Is it okay that I don't have a sense of style? Is it okay for me to scratch myself? I'm hairy. I like wearing plaid and I don't want to be told how to dress by some dude with a "queer eye." Is that okay with you sissies, or would you like me to package my balls and neatly carry them in a purse? For crying out loud. You're turning us into a nation of pussies.

The difference is we maintain

The difference is we maintain our composure, as things change for the better in some ways.
As you lose your cool you also loose control of your emotions. Which is more manly?

whip me! beat me! make me wri

whip me! beat me! make me write bad checks!

And now we're at the implicat

And now we're at the implications of homosexuality. Welcome, everyone, back to high school.

Grrrrr

Wow...as usual, the discussion from this post reinforces how closed-minded some of the people of Happy Valley can be. I'm glad I escaped after I put in my four years!

Oh my goodness?!!!

Tyler, are you gay?

This site has been infiltrate

This site has been infiltrated by children wishing to degrade anyone they disagree with. Grow up, kids.

Please stop accusing Tyler of

Please stop accusing Tyler of being gay. I am sure he is not and it was an interesting experience. Let us move on to something more important.

This is right

"Any words of wisdom to help the rest of us better empathize with the transvestite community?"

I would agree with this post that this experiment is hardly analgous to that of a woman. It is more aline with understanding the plight of transvestites.

In the same way that just because I put a saddle on my back and trot around, it does not mean that I am a horse, it means I'm a silly man dressed up as a horse.

The experiment should be called for what it is; a day trip in perversion.

right, pj.

just like you did.

I think you just did

Why are you trying to drive a wedge by using the gospel, provojoe? How hypocritical...

Twins? Harnessed?

GROSS!

why I like provojoe

pj at least has the balls to use his name and not hide in anonymity when he tries to drag me in his mud.

A lot of my friends wanted to know about my experience, so I wrote about it for my blog. I just figured others might find it interesting (and maybe thought provoking) so I figured I'd submit it for provopulse. If Mason had done this, you wouldn't care. If PJ, the Biter, Hhhh, or anyone else had done this it would be fine. If I do it, it's for attention.

for Jen

This was for my feminism class. I got no credit or extracredit for it. My professor thought it would just be fun to do after reading Judith Butler's commentary on drag. Bout 5 or 6 other people dressed up.

I know plenty of girls who love to dress up. For many of them (as feminists) it is an expression of there femininity they have chosen. On the other hand, I know plenty of girls who do not care at all to dress up. While, I think men in general are somewhat responsible for creating this view of how women should be, I also believe that women place this responsibility on themselves as well. Women's magazines push this image constantly.

I realize that for many woman, a bra is more comfortable than no bra. If I had actual breasts instead of a pair of socks, I'd probably not have had as much discomfort.

"Attention Whore" No pun i

"Attention Whore"

No pun intended, right?

Tyler is an attention whore! LOL!!!

Wow...

Thanks for reminding me I lost control of my emotions. I'm just what the call a "red-blooded" heterosexual male which probably describes a person so far from your comprehension that you don't even know what I'm talking about. But, next time I'll try not to offend you indirectly. I didn't know you were a metrosexual girly-man, and if I had known earlier, I would have insulted you DIRECTLY. Oh, and by the way, I think Tyler's little episode does NOT represent a "change for the better". It's too bad, his kids will be really messed up just like yours will.

umm. k

"a rugged, plaid-wearing, beef jerky eating tough guy"

Since when did homosexual lumberjacks define what a "REAL man" is?

I really don't know how to reply to you Sam. I could try to psychoanalyze and postulate that this supposed expression of your 'manhood' is an overdone attempt to suppress your homosexual tendencies, but I probably shouldn't comment on what you and your uncle do in your back-woods trailer.

Seriously though, if you want to turn this discussion into some insult slinging contest, I don't care to. If you want to turn it into some penis-measuring contest, then it's further proof that you're into that kind of thing.

Thanks for commenting and leaving your opinion though. It is good to have Bounty paper towels represented on Provopulse.

nuff' said

Napoleon rocks!!!!

I agree with Farker here....T

I agree with Farker here....There's no reason to take personal jabs at someone just because they disagree with your opinion. That's a cheap escape from formulating an intelligent response. If you disagree with Tyler, then state your position, rather than tearing him down personally. In the end it's alright to disagree without taking things personally......

I spend five hours wearing a

I spend five hours wearing a skirt, blouse, bra, high heels, make-up, and a dozen hair pins (sorry, no panties... just boxer-briefs) and suddenly everyone wants to know if I am gay.

You can think whatever you want.