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Behind the music: The Primary

This last Sunday was Mother's Day. (That's for anyone who forgot) Anywho, if you're not in a singles ward, and you went to a sacrament meeting, I'm sure that you got to see primary children singing songs about mothers.

I always find this to be extremely entertaining, and I'm not sure why. I guess part of it is the fact that no matter where you are it always ends up being very similar. Also, even though it can be similar you really never know what can happen. I also find it interesting that most people will tolerate terrible singing if it is done by cute kids.

Yesterday, I actually went to two sacrament meetings. It was awesome because I got to see two different groups of primary kids singing. In my many years of watching these kids sing I've come up with a certain observation. There are certain types of children when it comes to singing in sacrament meeting, and I just wanted to break them down:

The Yeller: This is that kid that sits up there and screams the lines to the song instead of actually singing them. Their goal is to be the loudest person so they can be sure their parents hear them. These are usually guys. Some times it can be a girl, which makes it extra funny. In the second ward we went to, the kids sang "Love is Spoken Here." During the part where they sing both parts of course some of the guys dedicated themselves to singing louder than the girls. It was awesome.

The Waver: This is that kid who doesn't even sing at all. They just wave to there parents and everyone else that will look at them. They are just so proud of the fact that they are in front of everyone that they can't stand it.

The Sunbeams: I know they are a class, but they fit into a category all their own. Most of them don't really know what they're doing, so they just stand up there looking around. Occasionally one of them cries.

The Hitter: This is my favorite one. This kid will sit up there and just whack the crap out of whoever happens to be next to them. Always a treat, unless you happen to be the parents of the kid who's getting hit.

I'm sure there are others that I missed, like the kid who stands backwards the whole time, or the kid who was just visiting and went up there because all the other kids were, but I figure that for me, these are the most entertaining ones.

Even in other countries you can see stuff like this. Now, I'll leave it to the commenters. Whoever has the best story about singing primary kids will win something. Maybe I'll hook you up with passes to Johnny B's or Wiseguys or something.


Best. Article. Ever. Laughing my head off.

What always kills me is when the kids don't really know a song and they just kinda mumble through it.

You forgot The Nosepicker: pretty self-explanatory. The kid that just stands there picking his nose and kind of staring off into space.

My home ward's Sacrament Meet

My home ward's Sacrament Meeting had something even weirder: a creepy 3 minute song about Heavenly Mother. Now, I realize how empowering knowing that there is a Heavenly Mother must be to women, but a Janice Kapp Parry-esque song in the middle of Sacrament Meeting? However, and this is probably the case, I may just be a jerk.

By the way, great article, Spencer.

The freakishly tall almost-12-year-olds

Yeah, I was definitely one of them. I must have been like 5' 10" by the time I finally "graduated primary".

Talk about embarrassing. (I still feel bad for those poor 11-year-olds.)

My birthday's at the end of May so I had my last primary program just weeks before turning 12. And, since I always resented primary and everything that went along with it (being talked to like you're a 3-year-old, being tricked into singing really loud with that volume thermometer) I decided that this time I was going to put my foot down and not sing a word.

Usually I would get up there and sing because I'd feel guilty if I didn't, but not this time. Nope, this time my friend and I just stood there, lips zipped during the entire program.

We came walking down off the stand as sacrament meeting ended feeling pretty cool. We'd declared our independence from primary (or "mechanized retardation" as we then saw it.)

But then my irate mother got ahold of me. I couldn't believe how angry she was. After receiving a verbal shredding, she told me that I had to go apologize to our primary president, which, for a prideful almost-12-year-old, was a pretty humbling experience.

Great post. The Yeller in our ward...

Our ward did "Love is spoken here" as well and The Yeller was generally only slightly louder than everyone else but felt, for whatever reason, that TRUST AND OBEY needed a little something extra. He had me in tears as he successfully drowned out the rest of the primary both times that phrase came up. I only wish that the primary would sing in church more often.